Breaking the Code: Imposter Syndrome

You probably remember the case of the golden child, Jennifer Pan who became embroiled in a plot to murder her own parents. As a result of tiger parenting, it’s obvious that she had her own personal struggles. The heartbreaking part of the story is when her mother pleaded with her conspirators to not harm her child, and with that, her life was gone.

Actually Jennifer, though not a straight-A student, was gifted. Though I do not condone lying, she was intelligent. She knew what it took to get her parents to believe her and how to use this subterfuge to her advantage. She could have channelled that talent and intelligence into other activities – be in piano or some other creative endeavor. Living a lie is one of the ways that is sure to hurt you in the long run, as well as those around you.

Even though my parents have never been tigers, have I ever felt inferior at any point? Of course. They never placed a lot of pressure on me – mother would always (and still does) tell me to “do my best.” Her reasoning was that since that was all I could give, then there’s not much to be said or done after that. So quickly, I came to learn I should only be ashamed if I had not given it my all – the best of my ability within the circumstances at the time.

And from time to time, I still feel a little stupid, like I’m a massive failure that drags her heels instead of walking behind others ahead of her. Sometimes I can’t solve a problem and I know that at times, I have trouble letting things just go. These are one of those times where I’ll stare at the screen or paper for hours and feel like banging my head on the desk. Thoughts like, ‘Why haven’t you thought of anything yet? You’ve been sitting here for 4 hours,’ creep in. Then when I can do nothing but go home from work and think about it more, I get stressed about stress that hasn’t even occurred. And that’s exactly the wrong approach.

Sometimes taking time to do something else is more productive than just trial-and-error (wish I actually did that last week). That way, your mind gets a rest, you don’t become so bitter about everything and you get to enjoy a bit of your time. And eventually, you’ll find the answer. Between two paths – one with multiple hurdles and one with multiple rest stops, it just doesn’t make sense to torture yourself. Well, unless you’re masochistic or something.

When I do solve a problem, that feeling is often short-lived. It sometimes feels as if I didn’t do it at all, a.k.a Imposter Syndrome. When things go wrong, I have a hard time of putting them down. It may be the odd perfectionist streak returning or maybe I’m just stubborn. Who knows?

So what comes of this? I would only teach my children to be good and kind. To be the best version of themselves they can be.

I know you all probably don’t want some cheese for dinner but, just do your best.

P.S. It’s been a year since I’ve been with WordPress. Time sure flies.


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